Swiper, that oh so notorious and foxy figure from the popular children’s series “Dora the Explorer” is finally speaking out regarding the effects of the “no swiping” edict relentlessly imposed by the show’s enthusiastic frontrunner.

In the wake of the release of “Dora and the Lost City of Gold,” Swiper seems to have had a change of heart regarding his life choices.  In this movie version of the show, Dora is inexplicably depicted as a real life high school girl (not a 10 year old cartoon), and Swiper has been transformed into what appears to be some type of molting stuffed animal.  After catching his sad and lumpy reflection in the mirror, he has finally yielded to previous pressures and decided to start living a “swipeless life.”   As one can imagine, this has caused quite the metamorphosis.

Swiper reports that now he can only use credit cards that have chips.  He can only eat chips that don’t have dip.  And he can only dip when you dip.  He has stopped attending Fisticuff Fridays at the bar and has given up his iPhone X which is, as he puts it, “a swiper’s paradise.”

“Overall, these have really been some healthy changes for me,” Swiper told us in an exclusive scoop, “but the one thing I really miss is the dating apps.”  Swiper states that before this life makeover he was going on at least 2 dates a week, but now he doesn’t know if he’ll ever be able to develop the skills required for swipeless dating.

“It was hard in the beginning.  I kept going up to beautiful women and swiping my hand across their faces without thinking.  I tried to have a meaningful conversation but could only manage to scribble pictures of emojis, hand them a taco, or use brunch as a verb.  Then I tried eHarmony, but despite all my clicking on that blind, legless mouse, I just wasn’t able to click with anyone.”

Swiper states that he is not discouraged though.  While acknowledging that his plans have frequently been thwarted in the past by a child, a monkey, and a magical backpack, he asserts that this endeavor will be different.

“I’ve learned a lot over the years about repetitive sins and inappropriate glove-wear, and I’ve picked up a fair amount of Spanish along the way.  I know that Mrs. Swiper is out there somewhere but I have to be patient.  I can’t swipe, won’t swipe.  At the end of the day you can fix any faux pas with a fox paw, that’s what I always say.”

This is what the fox says and that perennial question has at last been answered.